Day 271:fighting from the heart

….learning how to fight in a loving way is never an easy thing to do…..

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Day 271 May 28 2016

 

Today I travelled to Newcastle for 80 minutes to watch my son’s soccer team receive an absolute thrashing. But I was not upset about the fact that they lost the game or even the score line. I was upset that eleven, 12 year olds lost the belief in themselves and the will to fight.

But that’s the nature of life isn’t it. We don’t win all the time….gee most of the time we lose….and its not about winning in the physical sense, it’s about winning in the place within ourselves.

Now I am not talking about fighting with the fists, I am talking about the will to fight for ‘who we are’ and ‘what we believe in’, irrelevant of whether we win or lose.

I am talking about finding the prescience ‘within’ to get back up after we are knocked down and face whatever is coming towards us with courage and determination……but this is not an easy thing to do I know.

My experience of frustration today was not about Silas or even the game….my experience today was about me, and my own will to fight. A mirror was being held up to my face….so that when I was telling my son he needed to get back up, stand tall and fight, in fact I was telling myself…..get up, stand tall….let go of past hurts and continue with the game we call life.

As with most experiences of heightened emotion, it is not until I could find a quiet moment within myself to look at the situation more clearly……so knowing that this was so for me, on my arrival home from Newcastle I made my way to the oceans edge to clear my emotion filled, foggy head. I hadn’t walked more than 200 metres when I looked down and saw this perfectly shaped love heart rock peacefully waiting for me to see it. As I turned it over in my hand for the duration of my walk I remembered my own experiences of failure and defeat.

Like watching a movie on a screen, the memories were vivid as I recalled the emotion around each one. I watched myself curl inward in defeat as a 14 year old and then a 16 year old as the memories continued.

Today’s frustrations gave me a wonderful opportunity to acknowledge my own experiences around defeat and loss, forgive them and lovingly let them go.

In sharing these stories with my son, hopefully he will find his place of loving empowerment…..the place where he can stand tall and say “I AM enough, this is whom I AM and I AM proud”

Ali x

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